10 Jul 2014

Are you the victim of negative inner voice?  Does your inner dialogue prevent you from doing big things?
And you have tried hard to get rid of it since long but nothing seems working. My experience while working with
numerous people from all walks of life has given me valuable insights and  I have used it to help several of my clients.
Many of Practitioners, refer to me and ask me share my experience. What do I do, how do I coach them,
Here is one of the ways I worked with my client. To make it understandable, I have put it in 3 parts and 6 summary steps.

Perspective and Source

When you get trapped in negative inner-talk syndrome, there is particular way you hear it.
So, first analyse from what perspective you hear it.
Sit down and focus inside, listen to every word and discover what way and whose voice/words you hear.

Do you you hear these words as (you),

  • You can’t …
  • Forget it…..
  • Listen to me and understand…..

May be you hear them as (I),

  • I am not so competent……
  • I have no hope…
  • I don’t have power….

Another way some people hear it is as (Others),

  • No one can do anything..
  • It is said, one must have good luck
  • Scripture says…

I often ask my client to became aware the way you hear and what you hear.

Purpose and Intention

There is a propose to it so understand it. Usually it is meant to keep you safe from harm. Helping you to avoid taking risk.
Comforting you to not to venture into uncertainty.
Challenge often is, all of it happens at an unconscious level. It is intuitively guiding you and a well-wishing tool,
that most people don’t know how to make it work for themselves. I have coached many of my clients and shown them how to use it.

Perfection and Parameters

There are different parameters and component, put together working in a system. You have to work out a way to work at it.

Intention, instinct and Self-talk work perfectly in cohesion. And Quite often negative self-talk is triggered when there are times of transition and change. All that going inside your head wants you to remain in familiar and known zones.
Listening and complying whatever it consciously asks, would probably never let you do new things, change or develop much as a person.
For example:
I remember when a Corporate Executive, heading L & D for 10 years decided to start own consultancy and training business walked to me and shared inner turmoil. She was at the stage of signing up the first client and her head got cluttered with multiple inner voices. So much of limiting choking voices were resulting in un-resourceful state. She was feeling stuck, uninspired and unhappy.
Had she relented to negative self-talk and she would have given up the business before it had started right then.
I often tell my people. “There are no miracles, only perfect steps in a systematic manner help you.”
Strep by step I made her aware that the noise in her head was just instinctive fear, preventing her to venture into unfamiliar and unknown.Though it was serving her in a positive manner and trying to keep safe.
She immediately realised, what all was going on.  I made her consciously understand the very positive intention it has for her. I made her write it, acknowledge and appreciate its presence as good friendly voice. Next I made her understand the perspective she hears it from, “I”, “You” or “They”. She found, it is quite often one of her very trust worthy friend, wants her to be safe. Her friend had often told her different stories of some corporate executive failing in their business start up ventures. It was her voices and those stories playing in her mind like a looping audio CD.
I asked her, what way she can continue the relationship with her friend and take a decision to shut off the discouraging negative inner-talk. And it was that easy!

First it was a quite strategically, I asked her to slow down the volume, change location and pace of voices to help her feel better. Secondly, I gave her a task to work and shut off negative talk as and when it occurs. Just one session and task for a  week to practice she got into fantastic unstoppable state of mind.I has not to advise her, be positive, think right, have control etc.  (Don’t practice this on yourself or clients if you are not a trained NLP Practitioner.)
With disempowering noises gone, it unleashed new energy created space in her head for self emerging positive and resourceful thoughts like:

  • I am changing and thrilled to take it up.
  • I am doing this, no matter what.
  • It is exciting to take this challenging task
  • This is definitely a great fun and I am going ahead
  • Wow it is time to make new beginning and discover exciting things about people

Anyone can learn these simple and profound NLP skills to identify and fade away negative self-talk, It is neither a miracle nor confidence, what you need to keep going in your business or life is a skill and method. Many trainers call themselves as miracle makers, I don’t. I know you need skills and strategy and you can learn to apply it.

Summary in 6 steps:

Take Charge and Claim Freedom from Negative self-talk

  • Focus inside. Become aware of source and origin of negative self-talk.
  • Listen and challenge the authenticity of disempowering statements, you tell or hear to yourself. (if they make you feel more then you just hear, use kinaesthetic shift process taught in NLP practitioner course.)
  • Discover the real intention behind your negative self-talk. “Deep down somewhere, I know what is important to me about it is…”
  • Check ecology, does your unconscious want to help you meet the intent behind this fear, negative talk or hesitation, in there any other way to satisfy this intent?.
  • Once you get ‘Yes’, say it out loud, “Thank you, I am grateful for it.
  • Change auditory parameters and distinctions such as pace, pitch, volume, frequency, tone or direction. Shut them off.  Do whatever works right for you until you experience a sense of well being.
  • Get in touch with new feelings, focus inside become aware of new breathing pattern, let new voices, words and positive inner self talk emerge from within. You can also design and install what works for you. Enhance auditory distinctions.

Yes you can…

Think, if you could clear out all the negative self-talk instantly , imagine hearing wonderful good things about life and work you wish to accomplish and  all the old self-talk is gone, new sense of well-being arising every moment, with every blink, every breath, new opportunities bring for you a new life, never imagined before, how do you feel.
Can you let such possibilities that already exist for you, work for you as you go deep inside the vastness and boundlessness of resources you have always possessed.
What do you now hear from so many people admiring and appreciating you for all the actions you have taken and unique place you have claimed, freedom of choice you have forever. How does this make you feel.

Always smilingly yours,
NLP Trainer and
BestLife-Business NLP Coach – Siri